It’s always been a bit of a struggle for me – the early days of having to please the mother and mother-in-law and also the ex always complaining that it was ‘hell week’ simply because we never had $$ to buy something decent for our mums – however now May marks the anniversary of the worst news of my life. The news of harm to your child does not compare to anything. It is something that tears a hole in your heart and soul and is irreparable no matter how much time or counseling passes.
Sadly, it is not over yet, however I know I am in a better place, internally, than I was a year ago, although I will never fully heal.
I also know that if I was alone when I received the news back then, I would not be here today. I was extremely lucky and still appreciate those who were by my side at the time and who rallied around me in the hours and days following. As I reflect on that time, my gratitude still goes out to Liz and JD, Megan and Matthew, Katy, Steve, Lex and my BFF Trina and her husband, Frank. You all helped me through when I was completely numb and I am ever thankful.
So this week is going to be tough – this weekend marks the year. I am breathing through, day by day, in the lead up.
It helped a lot to see this post from my daughter yesterday. It helps me to accept that I did not fail her and that is a hard fact to take on. I used to think I was the best parent and so I am trying hard to get that feeling back again.
So this week will be reflective, thought-filled and a little sad. I know I will get through it, just as I have every other week in this past 12 months. I have to. I have the best children to be here for and that is all that matters.