Fathers Day

I can’t recall the feeling of having a father, despite having a couple of step dads in my earlier life. Never felt that superman idolisation that a daughter supposedly feels for her father or the feeling of being protected and safe. Even during my married life, Father’s Day was overtaken by the importance of my mother-in-law’s birthday and my father-in-law’s hidden jealousy that shone through as he either argued with everyone present or just wouldn’t turn up to the event.. (a normal event occurrence in that family anyway)

So today is a nothing day for me. I forgot completely on Friday at work and missed the required

Happy Father’s Day!

to old Mate as he left, but forced it out to the other two as I rushed out the door. Felt a bit bad about that..

Anyway, with many things rushing through my mind on Friday afternoon – get sorted to head all the way across Sydney, from it’s southern suburbs to its northern via its eastern suburbs to pick up my big girl – I headed to the local ATM for some cash before my counsellor visit. In the medical centre awaiting my appointment I realise I’d walked away from the ATM without the bloody cash. Fuck. I head quickly back to the bank only to be told:

we’ll call you Monday afternoon if it was sucked back in

although her eyes were saying

you’re the one who’s sucked in

.
So I head back to my appointment and the lovely receptionist empathises with me as I try to hold back tears.. An hour later as I head out and she wishes me a better weekend as she’s chatting to a man and his son, I smile weakly and thank her, then head to the car to set off on my cross-town journey. As I’m about to drive off, the man and his son round the front of my car and indicate to wind the window down. I do and he introduces himself as the receptionist’s brother-in-law, says he wants to teach his son a lesson in giving as he opens his wallet and hands me $50. I thank him profusely and say no no no, thank you so very much, but no, I couldn’t. He insists, pushing it into my hands. I’m completely overwhelmed and proceed to cry yet again within that hour.

At a time when I’m shelling out $$ just to get through each day, after the betrayal of someone I trusted and cared about for over 10 years, causing trust issues I never even had when my ex left, a complete stranger steps up to show me that there are decent men out there. It took me the whole drive to the eastern suburbs to stop the tears and that was only so I didn’t turn up to my big girls place looking like a complete disaster.
It’s still overwhelming me as I recall it. I don’t know whether to pay it forward or pay it back or merely write a thank you note. It’s something I’ll have to think about today as I spend the day in my own company.

Happy Fathers Day..

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